What's the Difference?

Dear Ask a DnD Monster:

What is the difference between jam, jelly, and preserves?  Where does Jell-O fit into that?

Signed,
Always Been Curious


Answer From: an Osyluth (Bone Devil)
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Dear Curious:

You mortals never cease to amaze me with the inane trivialities that dominate your pathetically short lives.  "Always Been Curious?"  Truly?  Could it be that in all the macrocosmic mysteries and issues in the world, the complex hierarchies of power to traverse, and the interminable toll of the Blood War, your entire life has been preoccupied with divining the relationship between various items you eat on toast?  Pathetic.

However, I have been summoned to answer this ridiculous query, and I shall, as outlined by terms of my contract.

With jam, the fruit content of the substance comes from fruit pulp or crushed fruit.  This is similar to when I summon 2d10 lemures to rip my prey to bloody shreds.  The jam of tortured cries of despair is a sweet jam, indeed.

With jelly, the fruit is present only in the form of the fruit's juice, which is rather like when I drive my stinger through someone's eye.  Oh, the blood, the blood!  I do not know about you, but this is making me hungry!  You may not drink the blood of my kills, however.  The venom would slay you.  I, of course, am immune.  Weakling.

With preserves, the fruit is present via chunks of the fruit or, sometimes, a jam.  This calls to mind a wizard who summoned me and accidentally brushed away part of the magic circle with his foot.  I tore pieces from him for days before his pitiful frame expired, and now I torment his soul in the depths of the Nine Hells.

Jell-O is a gelatin and, as such, is completely unlike anything else in your question.  You had no way of knowing this, of course, as you are completely stupid very much like everything else in your species.  You are fit for nothing else than to serve those more powerful than yourselves.  Think on that, next time you eat a bowl of that shivery goodness, cretin!

My summons has elapsed.  I must return to Asmodeus, now.  Write back, soon.

Eechitil "Stan" Morolaxxus, the Bone Devil