Mother Troubles

Dear Ask a DnD Monster:

I am a married woman in my mid-twenties.  My mother lives with us because she can't really handle her own affairs.  She doesn't pay her bills on time.  She is on unemployment that she spends very unwisely.  She's wrecked her car twice this year.  She also takes some expensive prescription drugs.

She relies very heavily on me to help her out both financially and with getting her things done and so on.  Our family doesn't have a lot of money, either, and when I give her money or spend a lot of time cleaning up her messes, it puts a strain on my marriage.

I can't really handle all this stress, but she's the only family I have left, and I feel responsible for her.  Should I just stop and force her to get her own affairs in order?  I don't like the thought of doing this for the rest of my life.

Thank you,

Wants to Be a Good Daughter


Answer from: A Drider
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Dear Wants:

I can understand the difficulty.  On the Demonweb, I have to deal with a lot of women who control me in various senses of the word, and some of them are quite destructive.

In your case, I would recommend not driving your mother away, as this will allow you to drink her blood for sustenance.  In today's society, finding the blood of a living creature to drink isn't as easy as you might like, and you might find that life without your mother will leave you feeling empty in more ways than one.  Your husband will almost certainly appreciate this.

At the same time, you can't be responsible for fixing all her problems.  She needs to take action in her own life, and I think the best way to get this to happen is through regular use of the suggestion spell which, being a spell-like ability, shouldn't reduce your spell slots for the day and offers a Charisma-based DC.  You seem like a nice person, so I'm guessing she'll fold like a hyperactive origamist.  Besides, she sounds like her Will save is lowish.

I would avoid using a venomous bite on her.  You may feel like it, but damaging her Strength may work counter to your goals, seeing as you're trying to get her more active.  I made sure I learned lightning bolt when I could pick up third level spells.  It's been a useful motivation tool for me, and that may be a good investment for you.

Good luck!  I can definitely relate to mother issues.  Mine was a priestess who exiled me for failing in battle so, whoa, you don't want to go unpacking that baggage.

Sincerely,

Chi-Thron, the Drider