Every Time I Ask a Girl Out, I Freeze

Dear Ask a DnD Monster:

I'm 18 y.o. guy and still single because, whenever I try to ask a girl out, I just freeze.  Like, I just stand there staring.  Usually, they even ask if I'm ok, which just makes me feel worse.  I just say, "I'm fine.  Forget it," and walk off feeling like a failure.

This is tearing me apart, inside!  How can I be more confident when I approach a girl and try to have a conversation?  This is making me depressed, frustrated, and even aggressive towards my friends.

Thanks for any help,

Dr. Freeze


Answer From: a Sphinx
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Dear Doctor:

Are you a real doctor?  That seems unlikely.  The only person I am aware of who became a doctor so young is Douglas Howser, and I have recently been exposed to evidence that leads me to believe even that account was fictional.

Nevertheless, I understand your plight.  Often, when men approach me, they also tend to freeze up.  I think men will always struggle with being comfortable around women.  In my case, I believe they are intimidated by my intelligence.  I recommend that women, in general, should avoid asking prospective suitors riddles and then slaying them for failure.  Now that I think about it, I suppose their hesitance could also be due to my tendency to use my powerful claws to flay the flesh from my enemies, but I believe it is mostly the intelligence issue.  Strong women intimidate men.  I haven't had a date in years because of it.  Sure, every so often, a hieracosphinx comes along desiring to mate, but... no.  Just, no.

I would suggest adding things to your approach that will put you in a position of confidence right from the start.  Do not just walk up to her, swoop in on your powerful wings.  It adds a bit of flair.  Even if she is used to it, that move never loses its charm.  Also, since you are a male of your species, consider roaring twice.  If she fails a Will and a Fortitude save,she will be paralyzed, and you can take your time warming her up with some ice-breakers and pleasant conversation once you have cured the deafness effect.  It is important to roar twice, however.  Otherwise, she may just flee in mortal terror, and word gets around about things like that.  Another writer, here, made a remark about people desiring mates who do not require saving throws and, on balance, I believe that is a sound observation.

If you do not wish to deafen and paralyze your prospective date, I recommend preparing sanctuary that day.  She will be unable to attack you, and that should remove the chief obstacle that intimidates you.  If she carries a Stephenie Meier novel with her, a magic circle against evil should also keep her at arm's length; just do not forget to dismiss the circle prior to mating.

I hope this helps.  You sound like a nice person, and I would not be averse to enjoying a social event with you, myself, were it not for the age difference.  Three hundred twenty years difference is definitely my limit.  Perhaps I am close-minded, but I am in a place right now where maturity and stability are important.  How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?

Hmmm.  I shall have to remember that one.

Bahiti, the Sphinx