Boyfriend Will Not Stop Groping Me

Dear Ask a DnD Monster:

This is slightly... okay, very embarrassing.

My boyfriend is rather, um, uninhibited in public. This includes mainly groping my bum, breasts, and talking about our sex life in full view and earshot of everyone. He will not stop, and when I talk to him about it, he says that he'll stop, but twenty minutes later, he's at it again! I'd say this happens about ten to twenty times a day if we're together the whole day.

I've tried talking to him about how uncomfortable it makes me, and he just says I'm too conservative. So, I asked him, "How many 30 year olds do you see groping their girlfriends in public?" Obviously, you don't see any, but he seems to just be getting worse as time goes on.

Nothing works no matter what I do, and I'm just dreading the day he does it in front of people we know or my parents or something. Do you have any advice on how I can encourage him to keep this behind closed doors?

Please help,

Overfondled

Answer From: a Tarrasque

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Oooh, this bad.

Me have same problem with girlfriend. Me was one groping, though. Me have Improved Grab ability and not afraid to use it! Heh heh. When she complain, me tell her me no care what people think because me am unstoppable juggernaut of destruction and also me very secure in self-esteem.

This bad move, though. Girl leave me. Says me not respect her. Also complain about friends running in fear when come over to play Settlers of Catan. She right, you know, and now she gone. Even epic level regeneration not cure broken heart.

You need make clear to boyfriend he not respecting you when do this. If he not care, you leave him. Will teach him important lesson in treating women right or will at least be someone else problem. If you not cool with that, swallow him whole. Will take him many rounds to cut way out of digestive tract. Probably dead from stomach acid by then. Either way good. Up to you. We all different.

Good luck,

Thrug, the Tarrasque