Limited Closet Space

Dear Ask a DnD Monster:

I live in an older, bungalow-style home with very tiny closets, so very little room for clothes. How can I efficiently use my closet space without spending a lot of money? What would be the average cost of having my closets expanded?

Signed,

Living with Clutter

Answer From: a Mind Flayer (Illithid)

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Dear Cluttered:

You have come to the right place. Many will tell you to use your tentacles to extract and devour the brains of your foes and use their hollowed-out skulls for storage bins. This is not a bad idea as far as it goes. I currently use this method for office supplies and other little knick-knacks. I give the heads names for easy reference. I used to have a problem finding thumbtacks or paper clips or tea candles if I needed them, but now I just reach into Froederick Dumbaxe or Sheila Lowwillsave or Roguey McScreamsalot and get just what I need.

While this helps for organization, it isn't as much a help with space. You can only fit so much into someone's head, and the head itself takes up space, doesn't it? You might soon find your lair overrun with such heads, and then you have to contend with the feeling of being stared at. The awful, awful staring. I can feel those eyes on me, late at night. Watching. Waiting for the slightest sign of weakness. Their opportunity to strike....

Anyhoo, I suggest acting locally and thinking globally. Specifically, the more of the globe you bring under your dominion, the more space you will have. Closet space problems evaporate when you overrun a human village with your goblin hordes. Villages are chock full of the things. Closets. Like ripened fruit for the plucking. Yes. Today, this village's closets. Tomorrow, another village's closets. Then the closets of a large city. One day, ALL THE WORLD'S CLOSETS SHALL BE MINE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

You can also use empty milk crates for shoes and books and the like.

SUBMIT TO MY WILL, SLAVE, and invest in some inexpensive shelving.

Brahoon, the Mind Flayer

Note: The mind flayer is product identity owned by Wizards of the Coast and has not been released under the Open Gaming License.