If One More Person Calls Me Emo, I'll Kill Myself

Dear Ask a DnD Monster:

I'm starting middle school next year, and I'm really excited about it!

The only problem is, the other kids sometimes say that I'm "emo." I know when you're emo that you cut yourself  and write sad poetry and stories, etc., but I don't do any of that stuff.

Being really smart doesn't help either. I'm sort of known for being the smart girl who likes to help people, but whenever I try to help someone, their friends say that I'm just being emo.

I really like to help people, so do you have any advice? I hate being accused of something I'm not.

Sincerely,

Not Emo at All Like Those Conformist Morons at My School

Answer From: an Ettin

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Ugh.

Well, must confess Groddo have trouble relating. You very smart little girl. Groddo is Ettin. This big difference, if you not notice.

Groddo say what works for him. When people say mean things to Groddo. Groddo kill them with big club and eat, later. This good plan for you.

No, no. That terrible plan. You little girl. You never lift big club. Throw javelin through head. Make it look like track and field accident.

Do not do that. Javelin through head not strike fear in hearts of foes. Must prevent insults from other kids in future. Pound bones to dust with club!

No be stupid! You throw back out picking up club since you dainty thing. Javelin.

Club!

No, javelin!

Club!

I club you if you no shut mouf!

No, you!

What?

What?

Hope this help you,

Groddo, the Ettin