Dear Ask a DnD Monster:
I'm going through depression from low self-esteem.
I've really never felt so ugly. I have short, Rhianna hair, which I'm growing out. I hate it. I feel so unattractive, and guys don't even look twice at me, anymore. Although everyone says it suits me, I'm obviously not looking that good. If I were a boy, I wouldn't look twice at me.
It's hard to even leave the house. When I go to college, I just get on the bus and cry all the way there. I can't take it, anymore.
It's not just that I feel ugly. It's definitely the way I look. I'm a mixed race, and I look a bit like Rhianna. Well, I hate Rhianna. I hate her music, I hate her style - everything. I like rock music.
I don't know how to display who I am on the outside, because I'm a mixed race, and I can't do anything with my hair. I want to grow it out longer so I can punk it up and feel more girly, but it's going to take forever to grow out.
To make matters worse, I've never had a boyfriend. There was one guy who said he wanted to be my boyfriend, but once we slept together, he just moved on to the next girl.
All my friends have boyfriends. I'm the only single person in our group of friends, so I never have anyone special to talk about. That just proves to me that I can't get anyone and they way I feel about myself is true.
I'm constantly comparing myself to other people. I search for pretty girls on Google and Facebook and wish I looked like them. Sometimes, I even try to make myself look more like them, but I really don't look anything like them.
I'm totally losing it. I hate getting up in the morning and going out. I hate seeing my reflection in the mirror, and I hate the thought of other people seeing me.
I haven't been out of the house except for school in five months. I don't like being around people because I feel like I'm awful to be around, and even when I'm acting happy on the outside, I just want to cry and feel so miserable on the inside even if I'm smiling.
My friend also has really low self-esteem, but at least she has a boyfriend who loves her and tells her that she's beautiful. I don't have anyone to pay me even the least bit of attention. No man to flirt with. No guys to text. I feel so alone and ugly.
Any advice?
Ugly Duckling
Answer From: a Goblin
Dear Duckling:
Maybe you don't have a boyfriend because you never shut up. While you were yammering, my tribe raided Pelorville and was halfway through their Trench o' Dismembered Sheep before I finished reading your letter. Maybe lots of guys would like to ask you out, but they can't get through the entire sentence before you start in on Volume 7 of "Why Men Don't Text Me."
Hold on. The editor is telling me something.
Okay, it seems I'm supposed to help you, here. I thought that's what I was doing, but I guess constructive criticism isn't welcome. So, let's try empathy.
You think you've got it bad? Because your hair is too short? My hair is nothing more than some wiry tufts sticking out of a yellowed, leathery scalp. And you know what? That never stopped me from getting outside and doing my thing. The fact is, love is like everything else in life. If you want it, you get a bunch of your friends together and take it. Every romance I've ever had, I can trace back to a successful raid, including the woman I'm currently with. She's a goat.
But romance isn't always going to be goats and roses. You have to work for it. Why don't you pick a guy that you like and lie in ambush behind a stalagmite? Then, when you have your morningstar at his throat, you can ask him out. He'll say yes if he knows what's good for him. Or if you think that won't work, lead a group of your friends into his encampment at night, set his tents on fire, kill his guards while they try to escape, and ask him out in the confusion. There's no one way to find true love.
I'm telling you, though, the worst thing you can do is sit in your pile of filth and bones crying about it. Pick up your weapon, find an opportune time to strike, and take for yourself a male of some species or another.
Grolach, the Goblin
No comments:
Post a Comment